THE PINE BOX

Residents Nostalgic for Last Summer's Sewage Stench as Pickleball Season Approaches

By Pine Box Staff Reporter

NISH COUNTY - As temperatures rise and spring blossoms throughout The Nish County, residents are experiencing an unexpected bout of nostalgia for last summer's infamous sewage treatment facility malfunction that blanketed the town in what officials diplomatically called "atmospheric inconvenience."

The pungent aroma that dominated the county from July through October last year has become something of a fond memory for many locals, particularly those living near the increasingly popular pickleball courts.

"Last summer was magical," said longtime Antigonish resident Martha Cleary, while pinching her nose dramatically. "Sure, we couldn't eat outside and had to run from car to house holding our breath, but you know what we also couldn't hear? That infernal 'pop-pop-pop' from the pickleball courts all day long. I'm praying for another equipment failure at the sewage plant."

Mayor Thomas Whiffington, who faced significant criticism during what was dubbed "The Great Stink of '24," now finds himself fielding unusual requests from constituents.

"I've received over 200 emails asking if we could schedule another 'controlled release' from the treatment facility this summer," said Mayor Whiffington. "I have to keep reminding people that the incident was an actual infrastructure failure that cost taxpayers $1.2 million to repair, not some sort of olfactory community event we can just put on the calendar."

City Councilor Francine Odorman has proposed a controversial solution that she's calling "Operation Fragrant Deterrent."

"We're exploring the possibility of installing what I'm calling 'strategic aroma dispensers' near recreational areas," explained Councilor Odorman. "The science is clear—pickleball participation drops 87% when ambient air quality decreases. It's simply a matter of public health priorities."

The pickleball community, which has grown exponentially in the past year, is pushing back against what they see as unfair characterization.

"This anti-pickleball sentiment stinks worse than any sewage plant," said Chad Whackerton, president of the Nish Pickleball Association. "We're just trying to enjoy a healthy, social activity. Is the sound of joy and recreation really worse than the smell of human waste? Actually, don't answer that—we've already commissioned a study."

The sewage treatment facility, for its part, has assured residents that last year's equipment failure has been fully addressed and that there are no plans for any "recreational odor releases" despite numerous requests.

At press time, several residents were spotted suspiciously loitering near the facility's main drainage pipes with wrenches and determined expressions.